The Sunset Apartments #5
Floor: 8
Apartment Number: 823
Complaint: Why don’t I own the 8th floor?
Name: Royal McBurgerstein the 3rd
Hector sighed as he looked at the door leading into 823.
Vartan looked at his watch and asked, “Are you going to knock?”
“I really don’t want to.”
“What’s their issue?”
The super showed the armo the ticket which made a look of confusion grow on his face. “He wants to own the 8th floor?”
“He feels he should since he has declared himself the defacto ruler of it.”
“Why did you take the ticket? Couldn’t you cancel it if it’s a ridiculous request?”
“Because I made it my thing that I answer every ticket.” He shook his head, knocked on the door, which opened, and prompted Hector to bow and say, “Your Royal Highness, Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd, I have arrived.”
Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd, stood in a powdered wig wearing the accompanying attire that looked like it had been taken out of a painting from The Getty. His majesty closed his eyes and nodded, saying, “Enter.” His royal highness led the two repairmen into his apartment. He watched the duo roll their tools inside and close the door. Hector kept his eye on Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd, but Vartan was immediately entranced by the massive miniature kingdom that had been built in the space.
Rolling green hills with Playmobil figurines stood in various scenarios while donning medieval attire as they walked and fought in different parts of the tiny realm. In the center, surrounded by five Playmobil castles kitbashed together, sat Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd. He addressed them, saying, “Behold, visitors!”
“McBurgerstein…”
“Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd, that is my name, and how I shall be addressed, else my personal guard will see you off to the stockades!” He motioned toward the small group of plastic knights, five in total, who stood guard in front of the castle’s portcullis. “They are very elite.”
Hector sighed. “Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd, I am here to tell you, once again, you cannot own the 8th floor.”
“My armies grow restless, messenger, and while I seek a political solution via the ticket system, they sharpen their blades. Why can’t I own the entire 8th floor?”
“Because other people already live there…”
“And this has stopped other armies in the past?”
“No, it hasn’t.”
“So, why should it stop mine?”
Losing interest in the conversation, Vartan began to look around the open floorplan of the apartment. Every counter and piece of the floor had a medieval Playmobil set on a green carpet. The roads weaved around the diorama were made from brown felt and appeared to be how Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd, walked around his apartment. Playmobil characters were set in various little moments that ranged from a farmer driving his cow from his cart, to a beheading in the middle of the village square to, lastly, a knight fighting a dragon by the stove.
Even though there were multiple points of interest, the thing that grabbed Vartan’s attention the most was a coat rack. It stood out because it wasn’t medieval-themed, but was instead a normal-looking, modern object in an otherwise fantastic setting. Three very different coats hung on it.
A black peacoat.
A turquoise rain jacket.
A hot pink sequence hoodie.
All three had a thick layer of dust on them, and from where he was standing, it didn’t look like Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd, lived with anyone else. His attention returned to the conversation as Hector replied, “With all due respect…”
“Respect? A foreign term from this conversation, is it not?”
It was then that the light vanished from the super’s eyes, but before he could reply, Vartan placed his hand on his shoulder. He stepped forward, bowing slightly, and said, “My liege.”
Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd, raised an eyebrow as a small smile creased his face. “I rescind my previous statement. And who are you, young man?”
“I am Vartan Petrovian, repairer of the North.”
“The North, I remember the North, but only vaguely, if I am honest.”
“Sire, you cannot take the 8th floor.”
“My army and its size say different.”
Vartan turned up the drama in his voice as he replied, “There is a disease in those lands!” He looked at the king upon his throne and found he looked terrified. “A plague that we cannot cure.”
“How do you know this?”
“We lost an entire column of men to it, me Lord.”
His voice came out like a tremor. “An entire c…column…”
Seeing as the man was on the verge of a breakdown, Vartan pointed out, “Your lands are safe. The plague spreads by contact. So long as you don’t contact anyone else on this floor, and this floor alone, you are safe. You can even use the elevat… I mean, lift.”
A calming breath exited Royal McBurgerstein, the 3rd’s, lungs as he said, “Thank you. Thank you, young man. Your courage to have faced such a terrible death should be commended. I’ll have one of the scribes enter your name into the record, and a stature shall be erected in your honor.”
The assistant bowed. “Thank you, my liege.”
“I grow tired. You may go now.”
Vartan placed his hands together and dipped them toward the tenant as Hector grabbed the toolboxes, opened the door, and closed it behind them. He looked at the gangly man before him and said, “He usually buys that the lands are too powerful.”
“When did his wife and daughter die?”
A regretful smile creased his face. “You saw the coats. Yeah, it was, it was during Covid. Somehow they got it, all three of them, but it was early days. Hospitals were full. It was bad.”
“Were they some scientific geniuses or was the wife a vampire? How come they were living here?”
“The daughter, Addison, she was the special one. When they passed, I couldn’t bring myself… to update Rosewater about what had happened. Royal had lost his family, he didn’t deserve to lose his home, too.”
Vartan took the toolboxes back from Hector. “First the twins, now this guy, you do have a heart.”
“Don’t let the others know.” Hector pressed the elevator call button. “Because if the vampires knew, they’d have eaten me by now.”
All the color drained from his assistant's face. “We… vampires are real?!”
“Oh sure, but they didn’t put in a ticket, so where we’re going next, you gotta promise you don’t share more than your name.”
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Enjoyable... this is.
I started out smiling at the use of Playmobil, that brings back memories for me. Then it got heavy. I like the balance of whimsy and severity for this series, it transitions pretty smoothly from 'isn't this silly' to 'isn't this sad' and back again.